In December of 1974 Harry Chapin’s song, “Cat’s in The Cradle,” hit #1. Chapin’s wife, Sandra, had previously written a poem by the same name. Chapin obviously leveraged the essence of his wife’s poem to pen some potentially head-scratching lyrics in the chorus:
The Cat’s in the Cradle
and the Silver Spoon,
Little Boy Blue,
and The Man in The Moon…
The phrase “The Cat’s in the Cradle” isn’t from a fairy tale, but rather references an old wives’ tale about felines stealing the breath and life out of unwatched babies. SIDS is a tragic syndrome that still baffles medical professionals today. Therefore, imagine the fear and heartbreak surrounding an infant’s death in centuries past. Imagine the superstitious yarns woven when a cat was found lurking near an infant’s cold and lifeless body...
“The Cat’s in the Cradle” today is a dwindling cultural reference regarding relational neglect leading to tragic outcomes. Perhaps cats are drawn to babies' cribs by the scent of an infant’s food-soiled clothing, a leaking bottle of milk, or the regurgitation of it. In days gone by, the sudden and mysterious cause of death in children would then be attributed to the superstitious notion of a cat having “stolen” the baby's breath and life away.
“Silver Spoon” is likely a reference connected to Hans Christian Andersen’s popular retelling of fairy tales, which were widely read as bedtime stories. The tales were so popular in their day that the stories were integrated into toys and even children’s flatware, including silver spoons - not unlike the comic heroes and TV characters of today appearing on clothing, toys, cups, plates, backpacks, etc.
Chapin then directly references two nursery rhymes found in the classic Mother Goose Collection: “Little Boy Blue, and The Man in The Moon.”
Chapin’s lyrics take aim at making a profound and prophetic statement about the cyclical and dire consequences of relational neglect:
He learned to walk while I was away,
he was talking 'fore I knew it,
and as he grew he'd say,
“I'm gonna be like you, Dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you.”
And the Cat's in the Cradle
and the Silver Spoon,
Little Boy Blue,
and The Man in The Moon.
“When ya coming home, Dad?”
“I don't know when, but we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then.”
Through the lyrics, Chapin takes listeners on an expeditious journey from his son’s birth to adulthood. At the onset, The dad is obviously preoccupied with his career and worldly pursuits. He fails to realize the inevitable relational calamity his choices will unleash. Dad, like every addict, is totally oblivious to the fact that there is no hope of return once the decision has been made to go down that dark road.
One can't merely flip a switch at some future point and start being a real dad, a real husband, or a real man whenever it suits us. That’s simply not how life works. By the time most men finally decide to invest, the ship of opportunity has long since sailed.
That's precisely what happens in the song. When “Dad” finally decides the time is right and it's convenient for him to finally play the man, his little boy has, in fact, grown up just like him. His boy has patterned his life after his father's. The young man is similarly and fatally consumed with all the same futile and destructive worldly pursuits, i.e. the same patterns of the flesh.
I've long since retired,
my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, “I'd like to see you if you don't mind.
He said, “I'd love to, Dad,
if I could find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassle,
and the kids have the flu,
but it's sure nice talking to you, Dad.
It's been sure nice talking to you.”
The song closes with ominous lyrics looming large:
And as I hung up the phone,
it occurred to me…
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.
Chapin's lyrics are all about the cyclical devastation of relational neglect and the misguided delusion of a tomorrow that will never be unless we're intentional about making it a reality today.
——————
So what does Chapin’s song have to do with Christianity? How does any of this translate to something more than worldly sorrow that brings only death? Is there something more here than just a subjective morality lesson guilting dads into spending more “quality time” with their kids?
Scripture teaches us that David was a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22). For the majority of his life, David’s exclusive focus was pleasing the Lord in all things at all times. What differentiates the “Davids” of the world from the “Sauls?” What distinguishes real men after God’s own heart from the posers and insecure little boys stuck in perpetual adolescence?
It’s not living perfect, error-free, sinless, spotless lives. That’s the real fairy tale. It’s not slaying giants to make a great name for ourselves. Instead, it’s about how we respond when coming face-to-face with our failures, i.e. the depth and ugliness of our apathy and selfishness and the devastating impact it has on those around us.
Real men own their failures just as David did (2 Sam 12:13). Little boys pretending to be men hide in the luggage, like Saul, and simply sweep their failures and responsibilities under the rug or pass the blame... then they go on playing in the sandboxes of life. They're the ones building pathetic sandcastle kingdoms as crumbling monuments to themselves (1 Sam 15:12).
In Ephesians 4, the Apostle Paul urges the real men of the church, “…to walk in a manner worthy of the calling you have received: with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love” In Eph 4:3 Paul compels men to “make every effort to preserve the unity of the Spirit (in the church) through the bond of peace.” Scripture reveals in Eph 4:12-13 that the reason why Christ gave Himself apostles, evangelists, prophets, and pastor-teachers wasn’t for an uplifting message or positive Sunday experience, but rather “to equip the saints for works of ministry and to build up the body of Christ, until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God, as we mature to the full measure of the stature of Christ.”
The test of what is truly pleasing to the Lord (Eph 5:10) is “the proper working of each individual part” in the Body of Christ. It’s all about simple, literal, immediate, and complete obedience to Christ through the good works God prepared beforehand as our new way of life in His Body & Bride (Eph 2:10).
Is our honest response to the redemptive work of Christ joyful obedience to His commands in Acts 1:8 or Romans 1:5? Is it joyful obedience to His commission of Matthew 28:19 and Philippians 2:3?
Christian brothers, are we busy building a career, a legacy, a name, or an earthly kingdom as monuments to ourselves as Saul did, or are we truly men after God’s own heart? The answer is revealed in the consistency of our humility, faithfulness, service, and leadership in the church.
Why are women so often the staple servants and leaders in many churches today? Why do so many women take issue with not being able to pastor or serve as deacons and elders in most churches and denominations? It may have something to do with what God revealed in Genesis 3:17-19. Nothing’s changed. Rebels, like Adam, are still looking to place blame. Men of the flesh still strive and struggle to eke out a pathetic existence “by the sweat of their brow.”
In many cases, women are left holding the leadership bag in their families and in the church. Meanwhile, little boys pretending to be men are out golfing, shooting, mudding in their monster 4x4s, and doing “manly things” as they run from their divine privilege to serve and lead in the church.
Little boys are looking around their churches, schools, and homes where there are fewer and fewer real men. Those young men are keenly observing what’s going on because they wanna be just like you Dad. They wanna be just like you.
Being filled with deep worldly regret accomplishes absolutely nothing. Our boys are, in fact, growing up to be just like us. They're going to chase, pursue, build, and conform to the pattern we set before them - either that of the world or of Christ.
Sadly, just like Dad, many will grow up believing it’ll all be there just waiting for them when they've had their fill of worldly pursuits and decide it's finally time to settle down, step up, and be a man. Unfortunately, for many, by then it'll be far too late.
The Cat of relational neglect has long been in the cradle of the local church. It's stealing the breath and life away from yet another generation right now. It’s no old wives' tale. It’s not merely superstition.
We can “pray for America” all day long, but until we actually live and serve like real men of faith who love our wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for up her (Eph 5:25)… until we actually do the good works God prepared beforehand as our new way of life… until we devote ourselves to living worthy of the calling we’ve received in the Body… until we make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the Body through the bond of peace… until we willingly and willfully give ourselves away for Christ and His mission… then all those lofty prayers are nothing more than lip-service... nothing more than an abomination to God (Pr 28:9).
How does our love for Christ stand up to the litmus test of loving and serving Christ with humility in the Body? Are we truly demonstrating our eager expectancy of His return by our dauntless commitment to unity and service in the Body through the proper working of each part?
The Cat's in the Cradle. It's a devastating pattern of cyclical, generational apathy and neglect. That was Adam's legacy for us, but Christ Jesus offers us a new and redeemed one. The question is, which will we choose: The wide path that leads to destruction or the narrow gate to everlasting life?
He wants to be just like you, so what are you going to do about it, Dad?
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings only death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10
Blessings,
Kevin M. Kelley
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